No fire

Beltane night sucked. What I assume began years ago as a genuine celebration of the coming of summer has turned into a massive drinking party. People aren't allowed to bring their own drums, so thousands of people just mill around on top of Calton Hill, losing each other in the mayhem and then talking to each other on their cell phones until they find each other again.
I had such a brilliant day before that, starting with the best hot chocolate and a croissant and ending with sushi. And then that piece of crap that was Beltane fire festival. I think it was because I've been wanting to go for about five years that I'm so disappointed now.
So now my birthday shall be a day of shopping and cooking and cleaning. And I'm sad as hell again. Fuck.
I miss fire. I miss the sun burning stillness around a centre of complex gears. Like you could sit it on your shoulder. Nothing is the same without it. The earth can't get warm.