“Jamie parked round the corner from Katie’s house and composed himself. You never did escape, of course. School might have been shit, but at least it was simple. If you could remember your nine-times table, steer clear of Greg Pattershall and draw cartoons of Mrs. Cox with fangs and batwings you pretty much had it sorted.
None of which got you very far at thirty-three.
What they failed to teach you at school was that the whole business of being human just got messier and more complicated as you got older.
You could tell the truth, be polite, take everyone’s feelings into consideration and still have to deal with other people’s shit. At nine or ninety.”
At work I have told/warned a number of people that I am trying to lose weight and that at times I may be more emotional than usual. I don’t mean that this should be an excuse for lashing out at people for no reason, but it helps me to give myself a little extra room instead of trying to force myself not to experience negative emotions. Well, two pounds down and the process seems to have started.
Today I ate really well and my blood sugars are nice and level, so I feel much calmer. But I have no doubt that intense ranting will occur occasionally, as well as slobbering bouts of solipsism. Thanks all for your thoughts and kind comments.
I have always lived on an emotional teeter-totter. It is not “bad” - I have learned this and must keep reminding myself. Despite my sporadic tales of woe, I would like to stress that I am, in fact, very happy. My job sometimes annoys me but overall I find it an exciting place to work, filled with potential and promise. And I have never ceased to feel grateful for being allowed to stay in this country.
Though I often feel very isolated and disconnected from my fellow humans, I have always felt this way. There are only a handful of people to whom I feel really connected, and I feel very blessed to have them in my life. And for the first time in my life, I have met a man who I actually believe when he tells me he adores my body. If I waltz in wearing something low cut, I swear that by the look on his face I can tell that his brain has momentarily switched off. This makes me feel wonderful beyond measure, and is a huge influence in the gradual unwrapping of my witchy goodness.
So there you have it. Overall, a happy potato.
NOW GIVE ME SOME FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!
Heh. Just kidding. You can come out now.