What a strange wee time we’ve had over the last week or two. It’s all a blur. Discussions. So many discussions. About what we’re doing. About where we’re going. About the future.
We live in Scotland. In May I will have lived here for six years. We both work and we rent a one-bedroom flat in Edinburgh. Financially, we get by, but we don’t get ahead. Like many people every time something extra tries to squeeze its way into our limited budget, it stresses us out. Any other projects have to work around, well, work.
My beloved and I are similar in that we always need to feel that we are moving forward, creating, building. And at the moment neither of us feel that way.
We go to work, come home, repeat. In between we struggle to do the things we love, like travel or even go to the theatre. I write my Scotland blog but I don’t earn any money from it and I am nervous about wading into those waters.
My job has a lot of weird, enjoyable elements to it, which is why I’ve been there for so long. But after five years I can realistically say there is no path to job advancement - it’s just not going to happen. JP doesn’t like his job at all.
This winter we both suffered a terrible case of in-a-rut blues. It was my worst winter since living in Scotland. All of my tourism junkie enthusiasm just dried up and I’ve been waiting and waiting for it to come back again. Part of it has, but not in the same way. Something is different.
All of this rambling to say that a big part of our discussions have been about the possibility of moving. Back to Canada.
Before you get excited, this is not a done deal. I have a rather grand trip pencilled in to Africa in the autumn, which is important to me because I feel if I don’t go now I’ll never go. But come the new year, we’ll be examining our options again and asking ourselves what kind of a life we could build in Scotland vs. British Columbia. Weigh out the pros and cons and whatnot.
Right now I feel like I’m in a bit of a cloud. Certainly the idea of change has given us both a boost. For awhile we where also dancing with the idea of moving flats here in Edinburgh, but we have now set that aside due to it being so bloody expensive and the likelihood it would land us in a wad of debt. We’ve got enough debut looming on the horizon with travel plans and whatnot.
In the meantime we will be turning out attention to earning/saving money. If we can turn the drudgery of it into an adventure perhaps it will feel less painful.
Life is weird. Someone share with me: what kind of life have you at one time or another (or now!) dreamt of building for yourself? Did you accomplish what you wanted? Did you feel like you settled for something less that you desired? What makes you feel successful?
Twilight Scrawls by Kirstin Maguire
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