My poor family. I've been receiving holiday cards and other treats from various family members and can only wince in embarrassment over their obvious feelings of awkwardness about my name.
Since I separated from Andrew, some have started using my maiden name again, so along with using the given name I grew up with, for me it is like looking at a name that should belong to someone else.
My poor cousin used my original name and then underneath it wrote my current name in brackets, with a question mark. No one knows what to call me. My father's parents still write Mrs in front of my name, while my mother has switched to using Ms.
Aren't I funny? Why couldn't I just be happy with the name I was given? The simple answer is that I never liked the way it felt in my mouth. Like two pancakes falling onto concrete. Splat splat.
Only my mother's father sometimes calls me Sophia in a playful way. Both he and Omi have expressed that they like the name. Well I like it too. I love the way it is round and swooping, like a little adventure rippling along my cheeks when I say it.
Most of my friends, while struggling to get used to my new name, have still made a genuine effort. Mikara kind of stopped half way and now calls me "So", which is fine with me. Her children even know me as Auntie So. I quite like it. Like someone hovering in the middle of a teeter totter. A moment of precious weightlessness. Nifer mostly just calls me "sweetie." Which is lovely as well.
What to do, what to do. I don't feel like my family should have to call me by my new name (which I have worn legally for nearly five years). I don't want to put people out. Sometimes I can only shake my head at myself in wonder. But then I think, strangeness is just like fairy dust if you look at it from the right angle. Just adding a little spice and rumba to things - that's me.
All the same, sorry! Sigh.
Doll & Lantern
3 hours ago